How can I move on...

And with just a single post in the whole of February,

we're already reaching halfway through March with this next post.

Field Camp's finally over.

And this should mean that things will get easier from now on,

with just the 16km route march, UO and 24km march towards POP remaining.

Less than a month to POP.

Less than a month to OCS Comms Parade, where many of my friends will finally commission to be an officer.

Less than a month to the big 2.

Finally no longer a teenager.

And this is exactly just what I fear.

Many people couldn't wait to grow up,

do things they couldn't have done,

work in the outside world, interact with people from everywhere and the list goes on.

Me, I'm just simple, I rather stay as a child.

People often only realize how precious something is after they've lost it.

But I've never once thought that I would rather stay an adult rather than a child.

Perhaps I'm just scared of the responsibilities and roles one have to take as an adult,

and rather escape from the life everyone is leading.

But never really once since young have I thought about how great growing up is gonna be.

Well and now we're all grown up.

Just too bad that no matter what you think, life goes on and the cycle continues.

Earth doesn't stop spinning because of a single thought and

the great cycle of nature carries on and on every second.

The only thing is, how do we stay on track and advance forward with the world

instead of constantly turning back and getting stuck in the process.

The trick is actually not to look far ahead but just in front.

Of course, having foresight is good, but too much of it might instead cause you to lose sight of what's just in front of you.

And to live life to the fullest, it actually means to live it to the best you can every moment possible.

And it means to start living now.

We all like to prepare.

To feel prepared for something, prepare for next stage of life, prepare for school, prepare for work.

But while we're busy preparing for what's coming up next,

we often neglect what's happening right now.

"Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans."

-- John Lennon

And the quote by John Lennon is just the best description for what's happening to many people.

So what am I supposed to do at this stage of my life?

While still in NS, there seem to be not much I can do currently,

except to do my best for everything I'm supposed to do in NS.

And the next stage after I ORD?

That many many months of nothingness before Uni life actually starts for me.

It might still seem far ahead for me,

but I can already imagine my life a year later if I go on like this.

Really need some time to think about and plan out my post-ORD pre-Uni life.

Perhaps not now, maybe months later.

These few days had been a good break for me,

even though I can't say that I've done anything much for myself.

Went to ball, visited Job Week Camp, pretty nothing much else.

Nothing much else other than constant staring at my computer.

Tried to catch up with some of my friends over Facebook.

Glad to see them still doing well, be it in the army or in university.

I've always thought that most people I've met I still treat them as friends and

as long as they need my help I'll try as much as possible to assist them.

Even for those who I've not contacted for years,

those who I might only talk to once every few months.

But what I really want to do is to speak to every single one of them.

Be it just to confirm if they still treat me as a friend,

just to check up how they're doing,

or perhaps to fulfill my curiosity of how people's lives are like compared to me and any others.

In this world, they're always times where someone just have to step out to put in that little effort to get things going.

I guess this has been a long enough post to make up for all the lack of blogging over the weeks.

And it's so wonderful that there's actually little mention about my army life here.

Well, still, I'll have to be back in camp on Tues night.

Following that, it's just three more weeks to POP.

Then life's gonna change much again.

Nine months remaining, and we all hope we do all we can.

And I actually didn't even attempt to sketch that much during these few days.

What a fail again.

Just hope that after I ORD, I'll have the discipline to sketch much much more frequently.

Still waiting for Sony Walkman Z to come out in Singapore,

and I really do hope it's gonna be released in April.

If not, it'll just prove to be too much of a wait.

However, being able to survive so far without any entertainment devices,

how much more can be too much for me anyway?

NUS Open House next week.
Think I should go and take a look.

Still can't decide whether NTU or NUS.

Is it NUS FASS to Psychology or CNM, or NTU Psychology or WKW School of Comm and Info?

Or even NTU School of ADM to go for Visual Communication?

Too bad I've already missed the NTU Open House, perhaps I'll just have to ask my friends in NTU about their courses.

But basically these are pretty much the few choices I would take.

Just depends on what do I actually want to do for a living in the future.

Well at least I still can try taking a double major or minor in one of those to broaden my knowledge too.

And no matter how much life's gonna change in the upcoming months,

I do wish that I'll be able to get through everything smoothly,

for after all, what I want is just to live an easy life.

Byeall.

with Pride we Lead.

Finally after my long long three weeks of Saturday duties,
and not spending a night home since CNY, I get to enjoy a normal weekend to myself.

And thinking back, my misery started on that Christmas Eve guard duty.
Following which is the book-out day duty before battalion off before New Year.
Then it's another book-out day the following week,
with duties every four days until the next Sunday, the book-in day.
Finally a break for me thanks to myself switching away the duty on CNY Eve's eve.
Immediately on the Saturday after CNY, it's another duty followed by two more Saturday duties.
And another duty yesterday after taking over Sunny thanks to his eye,
here I am at home on a Friday night.
Being at home on a Friday night knowing the next time I'll be in camp is Sunday night just feels good.

And already so many things happened in this period of time.
BMT started.
Field Camp's coming up on 1st March.
And I don't remember the last time I went out with my friends or family.
Feels so much that I have no life and no friends anymore actually.
Wonder how my life will be like after I ORD. :/



And then the lost feeling I get upon thinking about what I do.
So what actually defines a good Specialist?
What's the role of a Specialist anyway?
If the job of an Officer is just to plan, then let the Specialist execute,
are we supposed to execute the plan even if we know it's screwed up,
or do we choose to execute the plan doing what is right and changing what is wrong?
If we are expected to do that, and with the Officers always doing a bad job,
are we expected to get overworked all the time?
Are the Specialists still the commanders of a lower level considering that they would instead be doing much more work compared to an Officer in this way?
Or do Specialist just do what they are told and if anything goes wrong, it's because instructions weren't given clearly and the plans were not being done well enough?

I feel so lost and unmotivated.
Maybe I'm just tired.
But then again am I doing enough to even deserve to feel tired?
Constant efforts have been put in but results are just not showing,
then can that be justified as enough work have been done?
Or is it that I am just not trying hard enough?

Even as I choose to rest and do nothing,
or not be there just because in fact my presence is not absolutely necessary,
I constantly feel the need to know what's happening.
And I really need to know everything that's going on to put my mind at ease,
also knowing that things are going smoothly and nothing is getting screwed up.

But even if I do know that something's wrong, what am I supposed to do?
Try to make things right?
Not give a damn and see what happens next, probably seeing things getting screwed so people will learn?

Is it my job to ensure everything is alright all the time even if they do not concern me?

May I just ask again, what exactly defines a good Specialist?

If we are expected to overwork all the time, with overworking actually not even considered overworking, then may I just suggest that we are just underpaid and under-appreciated.

Efforts are not always noticed, Appreciation are not always given.
But when both is seen, that is what pushes people on to do more things.

Life is so sad that even when I finally get to enjoy a normal book-out,
I can't really stop myself from thinking about my job.
And even if I do manage to do that, what else can I think about?
After so long of almost zero interaction with anybody else other than people in camp,
I really don't know what else I can do already.

If you ask me now, then maybe the only thing I hope for is for everything to end soon.








Byeall.

Keep that faith.

Been so long since the last post.
And we are already heading into the second month of 2012.

Chinese New Year was over.
A good break for us from camp.
Though it didn't pretty much felt like a Chinese New Year to me.

PTP's ending this Wednesday.
And most of us won't even be there thanks to ASM and BSM COC parade.
BMT's starting soon and I hope we will all be able to get through this without much problems.
The recruits are finally gonna experience the life of a soldier.
And things will get tougher, both for them, and for us of course.
And once they finally POP, it's into the next stage of unknown.

Got past my 4 guard duties in 10days.
Celebrated CNY in camp before we all booked out to celebrate it with our families.
Booked back in with less than two weeks of PTP remaining.

And although the overall passing rate of IPPT for our coy is not bad,
I wouldn't say the same for our platoon.
Well hopefully we can push more of them to pass their IPPT,
as well as producing more Gold at the same time.
I'll definitely have to work hard too, especially for my running which is probably freakin' cui by now.

Heading into February, there isn't much I can say that I'm looking forward to.
Life's still more or less the same, taking one step at a time,
making sure that we don't make any wrong move.
Ten months left and we'll be free.
Not too long, not exactly short either, can only give our best while we're at it.
The few weeks surrounding field camp just gonna be hell,
hopefully we can still find joy in midst of suffering together in Tekong, or just in camp.



Sometimes, I believe, in each of us, we do doubt what we are doing.
Well, for most of us at least, that's what I think.
And that's the time you need to think back and reflect, the reason you were doing what you were doing in the first place.
Sometimes you might realized you did something out of a foolish reason, then at least you get to learn something out of it and not commit the same mistake.
If you realized that you actually had a valid reason for doing something, then keep the faith and trust your decision till the end.

At certain point of time, you might lose yourself, forgetting your goals and aims, or even get depleted of any motivation you might previously possess.
And when this happens, just trace back your actions,
gather your thoughts and think about what led you here in the first place.
As long as you can regain that belief and the motivation which once pushed you so hard and so far,
I guess you can already carry on for quite a while more.

We all can easily lose sight of where we are anytime, anywhere,
but the most important thing is just to remember where you are coming from.

If you can think of just one reason to keep you going,
nothing will be able to stop you until you get to where you wanted to go.

Dinner soon and booking-in tonight again, for the next two weeks most probably.









Byeall.

The time you have, the time you lost.

First week into 2012.
Not much difference.

Perhaps it's because life still goes on for us in NS no matter what happens.

Inter-Formation Air Weapons Competition finally over.
Shot just 524.
Didn't perform again.
Sigh.
I might have just be able to get into the top 8 finals if I were to shoot 54x or even 53x.
After all I shot 550 once if I can do it once why not again,
there's even a 5 in one of the series anyway.
Anyway 3rd Div supposedly got 6th, an improvement from the 9th place last year.
And congrats to Chester for getting 1st in Air Rifle Men Finals.
Other than these, it just leaves me wondering when will be the next time I get to shoot again.

Haven't done anything ever since I got home this morning after guard duty.
Rested a bit, and used comp all the way without even trying to do anything constructive.
Feel so tired lazy and can't be bothered to do anything else when I'm in this mess of shit.
Already booking in tomorrow by 7plus and it's gonna be another weekend guard again,
with two throughout the week somemore.
So the Friday guard duty basically just started my guard duty streak of once per four days from now on until the one on Sunday.

Chinese New Year coming real soon.
Just two weeks away damn.
Don't think I'll even have time to do anything about it.
And the long weekend might just be the best one now that book-out time is so precious.
Hope that I don't just spend the time resting sleeping etc though.

Getting kinda late now.
Shall try to catch some rest and then it's gonna be another long week ahead.
Time gonna fly though,
and so we better cherish what we have at the moment.








Byeall.

More to come, long way to go.

First day of 2012.

Didn't blog on the very last day of 2011 like I always do.

Didn't even blog as much in 2011 as I always do.

2011 had been a year of randomness.

Changes.

Learning.

Growing.

2011 is finally the first year I didn't spend in a school.

A normal school where I get educated that is.

Finally enlistment into National Service for me,

and what a gigantic change in lifestyle that is.

In just one year, so many things had happened.

From BMT to BSLC, then to ASLC and finally passing out and getting posted here.

Meeting people from everywhere, finding common points between us and also differences.

Glad that I had a great BMT company and section to start with,

and as I progressed on I met many others along the way.

Some of them stayed with me, some of them left.

This is just life.

Not just in NS, but in my past 10+ years of schooling as well.

And until now I'm the only infantry specialist from my BMT platoon.

Been a long way man.

And we're all halfway there.

The officers in our batch finally commissioning soon.

And entering this year we're left with 11months.

From then on it's a new chapter of our lives once again.

Really nothing much to blog about for last year,

as my life had been completely thrown into NS, and nothing else.

Of course, many things had happened through the year too.

And reading my previous posts should give me a good idea of how much I'd changed.

And how much the world had changed.

For this year, I just hope for myself and the world to change for the better.

And that we will all have a good and safe year ahead.

Let's all work hard together.

For there are still more to come, and a long long way to go.

Byeall.

Moments.

And after another guard duty on book-out day yesterday,
we're left with just two days in year 2011.
Left with one day now.

Nothing seems to be changing.

What have I accomplished this year?

Have I achieved any goals set out by myself?

Did I change to be a better person?

Many more questions which no one will be able to answer definitely.

And then there comes the next bunch of questions for the upcoming year.

Another year gone, another to go.

Will 2o12 be tougher, easier, longer, or shorter than 2011?
Only time will tell.
And by this time next year, life's probably gonna be much much more different once again.

Byeall.

Repetitive cycles.

So our two weeks confinement is finally over,

ended with a guard duty on Christmas Eve.

Welcomed our newly enlisted recruits to PTP,

and also tasted the life of being sergeants for the first time.

Dealing with men, training them, teaching them, leading them.

Much had happened in just two weeks and there's still more to come.

Dealing with people not just include the recruits,

but fellow commanders and higher-ups as well.

And now the year is left with mere one week,

with Chinese New Year less than even a month away.

Everything's just going so fast from now on.
And hopefully it stays this way until a year later,

if not then we might as well try to take things slow.

Attended three more training sessions during confinement.

And the very last one was on 21st Dec '11.

A memorable one, at least in my shooting career so far.

Attaining a score of 550 for the first time is seriously a great deal for me.

Considering I started shooting just two years ago, stopped after training for a year only,

taking up again a year and a half later to realize I've somehow improved,

and in just a few training sessions managed to improve my personal best to 550,

using different and unfamiliar guns instead of a personal weapon,

blah blah blah.

Trying to make it sound like a miracle or that I could've or can do better in the future.

But yes indeed it is something big.

At least to me.

I don't even know how many chances to shoot I'll have after the competition in Jan,

but at least in the future when I stopped shooting for good,

I can tell myself that I once shot 550, not amazingly good but still somehow amazing considering all the factors listed above.

Of course, once I had shot 550 I'll not be just aiming for that the next time I shoot.

And that is to prove that it wasn't just a fluke too.

I don't know if I'll continue shooting in the future or not,

but it's another great sport I took up along the way and however short

my shooting career may be, I'll never forget about it,

with this 550 being the highlight. For now.

And now it's a good break until Tues night for me.

Short week next week, but another guard duty for me before I get to enjoy the long weekend again.

Then it's New Year already.

How fast can it get.

2012 is finally coming.

For now let's just treasure whatever's left of 2011 and finish up all the things we promised ourselves to do in this year.

Byeall.

Not much longer.

30th November 2011.

And we're already entering the last month of year 2011.
How fast is that.

Same feeling every year.

Same thoughts.

But at the same time so many things had changed in the past year.

Training last Friday was alright.

Watched Puss in Boots last week too.

Chandan finally went to Brunei to find Andrew Sir.

Block leave ended with me not doing anything much constructive.

Only booked in yesterday afternoon to prepare for guard duty at night.

Was so 'warmly welcomed' by everyone who had not seen me for more than a week already.

Shagged out after guard duty, then booked out today afternoon again for training.

Did okay for training though, back to averaging around 528.

Should I say that I'm consistent or what?

But the time I dropped to 519, I shot 518 three times in a row before improving again.

And even though the total score seems consistent,

there had been many screwed ups in my series.

I can shoot 87, 88 etc for one competition,

then when I try again I might go up to 92 but also with series as low as 84.

Shot 93 for a series for the first time today.

Twice.

And also shot 84, 85, 86 for three of the series.

Doesn't make sense that you can shoot so much worse for one series when you just finished shooting so well for another one right?

Well things just happens and it's all in ourselves to control them actually.

Shooting is a sport I can say that I'm interested in,

but I can't think of any traits within me which fits it at all.

With low amount of patience and pure laziness,

I think shooting almost totally contradict with me as a person.

Experience tells me though, that, if you really do want to do well at something,

or desire a certain thing that much, you will somehow be motivated enough to work hard for it.

Work freaking hard for it.

If that does not happen it just means that you are not wanting it strong enough.

If that happens, I don't think there's any obstacles that can stop you in your way anymore.

If you truly want something, go work for it.

Not many training sessions left actually.

And considering the fact that we won't get to shoot for two weeks before the competition,

we can already see how screwed up it is gonna be.

And we still haven't seen the official rules for this competition yet.

Got a certain weird format for this shoot.

And with our men enlisting next Thursday, I don't even know if I can participate in any of the December training sessions.

Hope our CSM is nice enough though.

He should be.

Right?

Shall try to rest up tonight since there's a full day of training tomorrow.

Gotta try to maintain my consistency and

at the same time correct all my mistakes in order to improve further.

Other than that, it's another off day on Fri and I'll only be booking in again on Mon morning.

Guard duty again next Tues and also another training.

Haven't spoke to CSM about December training but then again

that's because I haven't actually seen him for so long already.

Well let's just take one step at a time.

We are all in one way or another all worried about next Thursday anyway.

But then again, what can we do?


Shall just try to settle myself down in my new bunk quickly first.

My bunk which I'll be staying for the next one year until I ORD.

And other than these, with one month left in 2011,

I hope that everyone else and I would be able to complete what we set out to accomplish at the start of the year.

Your New Year Resolutions or any wishes remaining to be fulfilled.

Good luck people and let's look forward to the much feared year 2012 soon.

Byeall.